Date: Sunday December 30th, 2007
Hares: Homobile & Stick It To The Bros
PreLube: Harvard Gardens Pub near MGH.
On-In: Beacon Hill Pub
Bag Car: Stick It The Bros
Weather: not snowing for the first time this month
Scribe: Spunk In The Trunk
The Pack:
Anal Beads, Beat By A Girl, Catheter The Great, Cocktologist, Cum Is
Kosher(w/K9 Just Cody), Dr. Dick Little, Drippy Spigot, Dude Wheres My
Virginity, Floppy Dick, Goes Down On Buoys, Hare Club, High Anus,
Jolly Green Vagina, Just Craig, Motion of the Lotion, Shindlers Fist,
Shorn Scrotum, Spunk In The Trunk, Sucks Hard For The Money, Tonya
Hard On, Thar She Blows, Virgin Emily, Wang Chunks, Wooden Eye FHITA
Attempted to find the pre-lube & trail without success: Dancin' Fool
visiting from PA.
Was another lovely December Sunday as the pack gathered at Harvard
Gardens prior to beginning the end of another year of hashing. Wasn't
it just yesterday that we were clamoring through the streets of
Somerville & Cambridge celebrating Happy New Beers 2007 and passing
out on Krustys kitchen floor (oh, maybe that second part was just
me.....aaah the memories).
Bag car was called and pack moseyed out into the streets to cram all
their most precious belongings into the schnazzy Bros-Mobile for
transport. Unbeknownst to us Bros didn't actually transport them
anywhere and instead hooked a U-turn and parked across the street to
watch the warm up shenanigans Magnum PI style. I'm sure he got a good
chuckle as he watched Anal Beads & Wang Chunks then stoll
nonchalauntly out of the bar and realize they missed bar car and would
have to tote their own totes on trail.
Drippy lead warm up with Joe from the Button Factory who pushed his
first button with his tongue making the entirety of the song
incoherent but did attract many onlookers. Pack was away and started
straight off with a direct vertical climb to the crest of Beacon Hill.
Trail treasures found within the 1st 100yards included a jar of peanut
butter and a pack of doggie poop bags.
Pack trotted by the State House and descended on Boston Common with
the frog pond full of overachieving Nancy Kerrigan wanna-be's, at
which point some of pack spotted Tanya Hard-On dashing off carrying a
tire iron. We couldn't find her after that but did hear a multitude
of "Why Me's??" coming from the direction of the ice. Go-ooooo Tanya!
We zig zagged from the commons to the edge of downtown crossing and
then emerged in the heart of Chinatown where K9 Just Cody gave a sigh
of relief that he's got the Kate Moss look going on and didn't get
turned into a General Tsaos special by the locals. Pack stood at the
Chinatown arches with their heads up their asses for a bit until they
spotted the hare and snagged him on the spot. They released the Bros
(sans-pantsing him) and gave him a 30 second head start - which
apparently was too much time as the pack instantly lost his trail and
were once again in the head-up-ass position. Eventually we followed
the fresh scent of urine and dead bodies down a dark alley and found
our hares tucked away between some brick buildings with cold PBRs for
all to enjoy. A State Trooper sat at the end of the alley the entire
duration of beer check toying with our emotions but turns out 30+
crazy people running and yelling into an alleyway was of no interest
to him (or just not worth cutting short his afternoon nap).
The chill was setting in so we took off into sunset via the theatre
district at which point we collectively determined the On-In would was
likely at the Tam only to find a note from the hares at the entrance
reading "Not Yet". Depressed, cold and thirsty we forged forth,
passing a non-hashing Harpoontang along the way (shame on her) and
then finished our full trail circle jerk at the Beacon Hill Pub just
one block from where it all began.
Wang Chunks was nice enough/drunk enough to fill in as our RA for the
festivities and a called the Hares into the circle. They sang us a
nice round of Yogi Bear and did their required down-downs of Brubaker.
Accusations included: Floppy for FRB Thar She Blows & Wooden Eye FHITA
as a tag team of FBI Spunk & Shorn for DFLs Same shirts for Floppy &
Bros, and when one hare drink all hares drink, so Homobile got to
quench is thirst as well.
Backsliders included: Spunk, Cocktologist, Anal Beads, Dr. Dick Little
Beat By A Girl & Wang Chunks both took a step closer to living in
nursing homes so we sang them a round of Happy Birthday Fuck You.
Buoys accused Shindlers fist of wearing cranium cover in circle, but
it was a false accusation so he got to drink (personally I think it
was a plan to get more Brubaker just for himself) Then Wang Chunks was
accused of cranium cover as well, which was in fact a valid
accusation.
Next up was our Virgin, Emily, and as with all the female virgins
Floppy was quick to volunteer to dement. Virgin Emily was coached by
her sponsor Tanya Hard On as to the square root of 69 but Tanya failed
to mention the 'new shoes' policy and suffered the consequences
personally (though in retrospect turns out the shoes weren't really
new - oh well) V. Emily has a thing for goats and did not frequent the
all-you-can eat $1 buffet but she claims she 'gets off quickly' and
what more can one ask, so we decided to keep her anyway. Welcome
Emily, you are a Virgin no more.
It was due time to name Just Craig so that we did. Goes Down on Buoys
originally introduced Just Craig to the hash and had a story to tell.
Seems "This One Time, At Swim Camp" they tried to auction off a dance
with 'Coach' Just Craig but none of the little ladies would offer up a
cent. Not wanting Coach Just Craig to be forever deemed as a wall
flower one of the young lads offered up his hand for a nice waltz.
This story led to naming suggestions of Little Spermaid, Doody In The
Pool, 20 for 12 but alas was named based on his clothing choice of a
DJ Jesus t-shirt and is forever now known in the hash as Immaculate
Erection. In honor of his apparel we sang Jesus Saves and dished out
his naming down-downs.
Wang Chunks led us in many a song until the beer ran dry, and then he
led us into some more - thanks Wang for RAing a great circle.
.............Your Fill-In Scribe Spunk
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A Hash Event
