Boston Hash House Harriers

The Pack: Amazon.cum (homeless), An*l Beads, AssRanger (OuterBorough) , Bend Over Mommy, Bleeps Sweeps & Creeps (Seacoast), Bridge Over the River Twat (San Diego), Bumble Beaver (Ben Franklin Mob), Catheter the Great, Chocolate Starfish, Just Collen (OuterBorough) , Crucifux, Cuff'd and Stuff'd in the Buff, Cums Alone, DEEP Black Hole, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Dr. W.H.O (Rhode Island), Dribbles, Drippy Spigot, Dude Where's My Virginity, Europe'an Wh*re, Ewe Haul (Minneapolis) , Finger Lickin' Good (homeless), Floppy D*ck, Friar F*ck, F*cks Like A Rabbit, GAP, Goes Down On Buoys, G-String, Hare Club For Queers, Headmaster, High An*s, Hiscocksin, I Eat Cum (Happy Valley), Immacuate Ere*ction, Just Courtney, Just Kelly, Just Timmy, Krusty the Meat Miser (Cumbridge), KY Jenny (Jamica Plain), Lips N *ssholes (Burlington) , Make Banana Cry (Burlington) , Master Gator (Jamica Plain), Mom's C*mming (Buffalo), More Tail, Mud Muffin, My Chemical Homance, NAMBLA, Nice T*ts, Nipoleon (Homeless), N*pples Erectus, Nookie Monster (San Diego), Obeastiologist (Every Day is Wednesday H3), Pat-My-Fly, Patriot Missles, PigF*cker (Halve Mein), P*ss Stop, Plank (Prague), Poptop/Dairy Queen (Halve Mein), Pretty Polly Pocket P*ssy (Burlington) , P*bic Service Announcement, Queerleader, Rodent Feltcher, Santa's Slimy Sheets (Seacoast), Shorn Scr*tum, Ski Bobbitt, Snatchsquatch, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Spunk In The Trunk, Stops to Pet the P*ssy (Burlington) , Stretch P*ssy, Sucks Hard for the $$$, Taj My Hole, The Rapist (Ft. Lauderdale), Virgin Sue (Ft Lauderdale), Virgin Steve, Virgin Missy, Virgin Brian, You Oughta Blow, You're Not My Daddy (Buffalo), Urinal Biscut (Burlington) , Chinwacker (Denver), Cream Whora, Doggie Treats, Grease My Monkey's Nuts, Handjob, Just Katie, Kockasucki, Little Bear, Stick It To The Bros, Taco Fucko, Stretched to the Limit (Burlington) , Beat By A Girl, Jimmy Crack Whore (Happy Valley), Mystery Hasher???, Harpoontang, Just Jess, Cum is Kosher, Fuwangi B*ner (Rhode Island), Frodo the Gay, Wee Willie (New York), Swamp Whine (Rhode Island), Barfer?? (Miami), Illegible Hasher, Peppermint P*ssy, Virgin Jay.

Late Cummers: You know who you were. But as I always say, it's better to c*m late than never. Much more fun for everyone.

Hash Trash: And you thought there would be no more hash trashes from me. You were WRONG! I may be in space, but they still have the Internets there. You, dear hashers who I miss greatly, will be subjected to two more hash trashes, to finish off the M*rathon week of hashing, drinking, and running. For those of you who are curious, those overachievers who ran every hash during M*rathon week ran over 35 miles. I think we drank more beers than that, especially me.

Anyway, thanks to Hare Club for being the attendance b*tch. If you came and your name isn't in the list above, well, at least you came. If this hash trash seems to not represent events accurately, my excuse is that I was drunk, this happened two weeks ago, and I'm scribe, dammit. We write the history. If you're interested in writing the history of the hash, think about scribing «end shameless plug».

It was a gloriously beautiful, sunny, windy day at the hash. Everyone gathered in their finest frocks at McFadden's. Notable outfits included Handjob's gorgeous puff-sleeved number which made him look like a tall, bald cinderella, and Santa Slimy Sheet's short little outfit which made him look like a hairy blue riding hood with a mustache. Also, NAMBLA had some crazy psychadellic tights on. Joan Rivers, eat your heart out. Take a look at Cuffy's and P*bic Service Announcement' s pictures to see the glory that was the hash in downtown Boston. We put those silly high school prom kids to shame.

After everybody tried to stuff all their junk in Wang Chunk's trunk (and boy, does he have a *small* trunk), Cuffy, as RA, gathered the pack out into a small courtyard area near Fanueil Hall. He had everyone introduce themselves, tell where they were from (home Kennel), state their favorite sexual position. Notable positions included "with Cuffy", "All Positions", "The Rusty Trombone", and "Sloppy And Weird". Some demos were performed.

Introductions: After about 20 minutes of introductions, the happy family that is the Hash House Harriers started off to find trail. Headmaster decided to be a complete overacheiver and carry all the marathon shirts on his head for the 2.5 miles to the second beercheck. I highly suggest making him down-down for that for the rest of the year. ;-)

Anyway, trail wound its way from Fanueil Hall down towards the Aquarium, faked towards the North end, then cut towards the harbor, passing a bunch of families out for the day. Nothing like having your kids see a lot of cross-dressing hashers in their finest prom dress attire. Trail had a Turkey-Eagle Split which guided the overachieving racist/r*nners to a beer check on the harbor across from the airport on a point not too far from the convention center.

The more racist of the hasher enjoyed some brews and froze their *sses off with the wind. Discussions included Sea Anemonies (see quotes below), and the fact that Headmaster was hauling 30 pounds worth of shirts on his cranium.

From the first beer check, trail went past a statue of the Loch Ness Monster (or was it the monster itself, or its cousin, in the harbor), past the Boston World Trade Center, down an alley with a bunch of DJs making some sort of daft film (there was lots of cheering), up and down some stairs in a YBF False, around some parking lots broiling in the sun, and eventually into Southie to a Dog Park just off the harbor. It was there that Master Gator proclaimed that he was FRB and is F'n fast, by stealing my scribing book. The whole pack in all its glory met to drink beer, eat snacks, and wave at random empty tour buses that pass by the scenic dog park.

From the second beer check, trail went up and down some hills, past a gas station, where a visiting hasher kindly let me use the loo before him (whoever you were - thank you!). Trail went past the Parade Hill in Southie, which our overacheiving Virgin, Virgin Brian, ran up. All the other hashers either circumvented it, or walked up it, except for the R*cists among us. Hashers who went up the hill were greeted with a gorgeous view of a beach and an Irish Flag - we were definitely in southie. Trail went onto the beach, with a Turkey-Eagle split leading the Eagles onto the boardwalk. The pack craniumed off the beach, into a park, across some soccer fields, and into an apartment complex with THE BEST BEERCHECK EVER!!! BC #3 was in the complex, which contained gigantic models of the Planets. The Beercheck itself was appropriately at Uranus. I have to say that although I'm sure The Jizzmopper and Stinky Digit didn't plan the BC for me, I was very
personally touched (awwwww) that my last Beer Check was literally in Space. It was an awesome beercheck, with much beer and much singing. While most of the pack hung on on Jupiter (literally), they sang "I used to Work in Chigago", and other hash songs. Pig F*cker did a solo of "Hey There V*gina" for the pack. There was much hash love. Awwwwww.

Trail from the final Beer Check was pretty much a straight shot to the VFW, past the Andrew T-Stop, conveniently located within stumbling distance. The pack arrived and did what we do best - kept on drinking.

Circle: Cuffy, our glorious visitor on his 4-month anniversary of his going-away tour, was RA. The hares, The Jizzmopper and Stinky Digit, were placed on ice, and brought their Flabongos with them. Don't know what a Flabongo is? Read the hash trash from the 69th Boston Moon Hash. I told you there would be a test on this.

Comments on trail included "What Trail?". At that point, Beat By A Girl kicked off some singing by commenting through singing the Yogi Bear song. After a few verses, someone else commented "All Homophobic Kids on Trail!" The hares sang "Yo Ho" and finally ended a good 10 minute sit on the ice.

Then, just because it was M*rathon weekend, all old f*ckers were brought into the circle, including Pat My Fly, Ski Bobbit, and all other geezers, and then all X-GMs. Because old f*ckers could always use a drink.

Our virgins underwent a three-way. In dementing that is, by Floppy D*ck, Peppermint P*ssy, and Catheter the Great. Cum is Kosher made Virgin Jay come, but for some reason Spunk did a rendition of how Virgin Jay faked an orgasm because Virgin Jay was shy. That won't last long. Virgin Brian was sponsored by Crucifux, and they, plus You Oughta Blow, demo'ed a three-way. Virgin Stephen was sponsored by Ewe Haul and was really bad at math and didn't know the square root of 69. Somebody in the pack yelled out that the answer was Clitor*s. Close, but not quite. Ate Something! I think NAMBLA just then discovered why that is funny and makes sense. Virgin Sue was sponsored by The Rapist, and said that her favorite barnyard animal is the pig. Pig F*cker got really excited at that point. Virgin Harry (who was a baby) was sponsored by Cums Alone and Nipoleon, who sang a nice little ditty for the baby (don't worry everyone - the baby didn't do a down-down). Anyway, the virgins were found unworthy, but were welcomed into the hash anyway. Congratulations virgins! For the virgins that we probably lost on trail - come back!

All the visitors were welcomed into the circle and sang "Meet the Hashers" and then another song. I love singing visitors.

It was time for accusations. Hand Job was accused of taunting a 4-year-old (see quotes below) and caused a cascade of down-downs for Jews (when one Jew drinks…) and Minorities (When one minority drinks…) At that point, some hashers started doing a Jewish dance. Is that like the Horizonal polka?

Backsliders included Doggie Treats, More Tail, Cum is Kosher, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Rodent Feltcher, Cream Whora, and others. M*rathon weekend brings out the backsliders. I love it!

Just Colleen, Virgin Brian, and Cum is Kosher were accused of having new shoes. Because Virgin Brian had been "picked up" at Hare Club's 69th moon hash, Hare Club got to sit on the ice. Down-downs out of shoes were done.

Accusations:

1. For being a $12.99 whore (tag was on the dress) - Pig F*cker
2. For carrying a box on his head for 2.69 miles - Headmaster
3. For dating said box-carrying wanker - DEEP Black Hole (and when one hash couple drinks, all hash couples drink)
4. For organizing a f*cking awesome M*rathon weekend - P*ss Stop and Goes Down on Buoys, with ice-sitting distinction

At this point, during the M*rathon weekend organizers stint on ice, comments for the weekend were elicited, which included "Not Enough Turkey-Eagle Splits" "Gay Pride!" and "Pub Crawl of the Year!"

At this point, RAs, Taco Fucko, High An*s, Pig F*cker, Pen*s Red (whoever that is), and Cuffy drank for no apparent reason I can discern. All sexy b*tches of the hash did down-downs, TWICE, for being doubly the sexy b*tches that they are. Santa's Slimy Sheets and Hiscocksin ended up on ICE for the best use of facial hair and fishnets. While sitting on their icy thrones, there was a Chinese Fire Drill, and Cuffy lost control of circle. I, DEEP Black Hole, Joined Santa and Hiscocksin on the ice, as I was accused of leaving and flying into space (true). After doing down-downs, shots were fired on Cuffy, and 10 hashers dove to his rescue, effectively ending circle and signaling time for swing-low.

The pack dined on fantastic Lasangua, awesome clam chowder, rolls, salad, carrot cake…and chocolate. Later, lots of hashers got down on the dance floor, to tunes DJ'ed by Beat By A Girl, and Fungwai B*ner. There was also a singing circle outside, where lots of good 'ole hash classics were sung. The hash drank, danced, sang, and was merry. Twas a great celebration and a very memorable M*rathon hash.

Announcements: Lots of hash events coming up all around New England - watch your email for details. Hash early, hash often.

One more hash trash from me fellow hashers, and then I'm retired as the scribe for the Boston Hash House Harriers. I'm gone for now, but like every good hasher, I will c*m again. And Again. Sorta like Cuffy. Stay tuned for details on visits to Boston!

Quotes:

1. "Carrying a notebook while running - that's sexy" - Drippy Spigot
2. (Overheard as hash runs past a lot of civilians) "Well son, you sure have seen some sights this weekend" - Random Civilian
3. "I don't know what a sea anemone is, but whenever somebody says that, I get poked in the butt" - NAMBLA
4. "Are you guys running in that gay parade?" - Random Civilian
5. "Freckles are good Camo" - Dude Where's My Virginity
6. (To Handjob, while he ran past) "Hey Cinderella, are you late for the prom?" - Random Kid
7. "No, I'm late for your Mom!" - Hand Job
8. "It smells like my balls now" - Santa's Slimy Sheets
9. (To DEEP Black Hole) "If you take off those sunglasses, you could be one of those polygamist women" - GAP
10. "JMo has a hot *ss" - Headmaster

Spunk is not in the Trunk, Spunk is on Hashspace! So log in there to view her pics.
Cuffy's pictures are here and PSA's are here. Send more if you have them!