Boston Hash House Harriers

The Pack: Headmaster, Sucks Hard For The Money, Just Heather, NAMBLA, DEEP Black Hole, F*cks Like A Rabbit (Visitor/Backslider), Plank (Visitor - Maryland), I Don't Waste My Time Down There (Wang Chunks), Stretch P*ssy, Krusty The Meat Miser, Taj My Hole, Goes Down On Buoys, Cuffed Stuffed in the Buff (CUFFY!), Emaculate Er*ction, Europe'en Wh*re, Spunk In The Trunk, Nice T*ts, Friar F*ck, Stinky Digit, KY Jenny, Chocolate Starfish, My Chemical Homance, An*l Beads, High An*s, Pat My Fly, Wooden Eye F*ck Her In The *ss, The Jizzmopper, Dirty Latte Sanchez, 'Lil Bear (Visitor/Backslider), Mud Muffin (Visitor/Backslider), GAP, Super Teflon Dong, Shorn Scr*tum, Merkin Muncher, Stick It To The Bros, Dude Where's My Virginity, Rough Trade (Crucifux)

Late Cummers: N*pples Erectus (plus her as-yet unnamed bitch), Beat By A Girl, Virgin Brian

Hash Trash: It was a lovely noche when a large host of amigos gathered at the Milky Way Bar in JP to celebrate the 69th running of the Boston Moon hash. For myself, this run was T-3 and counting until blasting off, and it was my last Moon hash, which of course, because it is space-related, I am very fond of. That's also true of the Milky Way, which has the perfect decor for a Mexican Hash. And the Hashers brought their Mexican Style, completely with many sombreros, ponchos, Maracas, and even some fake mustaches. And also, Cuffy was there to start out his 4-month anniversary of his going away tour. He supplied many painted on mustaches. Some of those were with grease pencils, some were not. I think Chocolate Starfish had hers very specially custom made by Cuffy.

Trail: The Pack gathered outside to warm up, with Cuffy RAing. JMo had his Flabongo with him, which for those of you who do not know, is basically a pink plastic flamingo fashioned into some sort of music instrument to be played like a trumpet or trombone. Nice T*ts ended up having the best command over the Flabongo, because, as she admitted, she played Tuba once. You know what they say about girls that play Tuba….

Mastor Gator explained the marks, which included "On Uno!" "On Dos!" and "On On!" (Because nobody knew what On was in Spanish). Also, BC = Cervesa! Apparently Cuffy had spent the better part of a plane trip from SLO writing a special warm-up song. So we sang "Hola, my name is Jose". Jose works in a Tequilla factory. I think he has a better gig than Joe.

Just as I was worried that the native Mexicans of the area were beginning to look a little chagrined at our mostly non-Mexican display of their culture, we finally started running. For the most part, I think we only made one Mexican grumpy, or maybe his face just looks that way all the time. His girlfriend thought we were hysterical. Or maybe he was just worried she would run off with one of our fashionably attired poncho men with their seductive maracas.

Anyway, trail wound through a schoolyard, through housing where lots of people were outside because the weather was gorgeous. Eventually trail spat us out on Columbus street. We continued on through another park, Washington Street, and through a park full of rocks called Horatio Harris Park. This park had the extra special distinction of having some very Phallic-looking seats to sit on. I took the opportunity to ride a seat, which I later drank for. Spunk In The Trunk opted for humping the turtle sculpture instead of going for the seats. After a bit of rock climbing in the park (oh, little did we know…) trail continued on through another school yard (Mexicans sure love the hermanos and hermanas), where a helpful civilian pointed "they went that way." This was one of those hashes where you could ask people standing by "Hey did you see a bunch of fake Mexicans run past?" Except the civilians usually told you they did before you could ask. It was a short hop through a residential area, another rock-climbing experience (complete with carrying up some Corona), and a small bit through a field to get to the first beer check, located in the *excellent* spot of an abandoned bear cage in Franklin Park.

The pack enjoyed Cervesas of the Corona type, plus a few rogue flasks of Tequilla. The hares had provided a Pinyata, which JMo wacked at with his little stick to break open for the pack. It actually fell down off of the bear cage a few times, and JMo also broke his little stick. But the pack got some chocolate, so it was all good. BBag and N*pples Erectus (+ her bitch) showed up as well.

After the Cervesa Check, trail continued through the park, past a stadium, and down a cliff, which continued a bit of the Mexican Rock-Climbing theme. From here, the fifteen of us or so couldn't for the life of us find trail, and spent about 15-20 minutes looking. Finally, we used technology to call the hotline, to discover that the rest of the pack was already at the On-In, J.J. Foley's. So our small group zenned/navigated to the bar in a straight-away manner. Rumor has it that the trail was supposed to go up some rocks across from the rocks that we had gone down, but we never found the marks. Regardless, our mini-pack made it to J.J Foley's in one piece.

Circle: Cuffy was RA for the evening. The hares, Glitorus and Yes I Wood were brought into the circle. Comments on trail included "Where the f*ck were the marks at the end?!" "Best Shiggy I ever Received!" "Lots of boys yelling at NAMBLA" "Blood" "NAMBLA's first mustache!" "Hashers in a cage should be on pay per view" The pack sang the hares "S-H-I-T-T-Y Trail" and the hares sang the pack "Pissonya" which is really more of an Italian than Mexican song, but who's counting. Down-Downs were had by our Mexican Hares.

Our Visitors/Backsliders were brought into the circle. These were mostly hashers who had started hashing in Boston, and had moved away. Cuffy, Mud Muffin, 'Lil Bear, Plank, and F*cks Like A Rabbit sang a verse or two of the Vino song, but the non-Limerick version. Welcome to all our visitors and backsliders this weekend!

GAP, Shorn Scr*tum, Wooden Eye F*ck Her In The *ss, Crucifux, JMo, and Super Teflon Dong were brought into the circle for down-downs to ease their pain due to skin-breaking injuries (read: they were bleeding). Hey, it's not shiggy unless there's blood.

All throughout circle thus far, Goes Down On Buoys had gotten ahold of a whiteboard and was writing messages behind Cuffy's back, for the rest of the pack to read. At this point, he held up a message saying "Shot's Fired! - SAVE CUFFY!" About 5 hashers rushed to Cuffy's defense, tackling him to the ground so as to make sure our illustrious RA would not die from invisible shots. Everyone will be happy to know that Cuffy is okay, and no other hashers were harmed in the attack.

At this point Virgin Brian was brought into the circle to be demented by N*pples Erectus. Now, a note on Virgin Brian - he actually had nothing to do with the hash. He was just at the bar. Some hashers started talking to him, and decided that he was a virgin. He was wearing a business suit. We demented him anyway. After some questioning, apparently Spunk In The Trunk was making Virgin Brian come tonight, but somebody named Julie made him come last night. Also, he uses his right hand to get off. The pack decided that the hares made Virgin Brian come, and were his sponsors. When Nips held up a $20 bill over herself (hey, GMs cost more, you know?) and asked Virgin Brian what that was, he replied "Beer Money?" Close, but not quite. Virgin Brian was a good sport, did his down-down, and was given provisional entrance into the hash, if he comes this weekend (he's planning on Sunday, and maybe on Saturday). He even changed out of the suit into his sweaty running clothes that he had worn to the gym. Keep your eye out for this pseudo-virgin and give him a welcome to the hash.

Accusations:

1. DEEP Black Hole accused Cuffy of moonburn. He was joined in the circle by Just Heather, My Chemical Homance, Pat My Fly, Taj My Hole, Super Teflon Dong, Europe'en Whore, Shorn, Dude, and others. Because Cuffy was drinking, all bald guys drank.
2. Same Sombrero and Poncho: Cuffy, I Don't Waste My Time Down There, NAMBLA, Spunk, Goes Down On Buoys, Chocolate Starfish, Yes I Wood, Glitorus. This turned into "All Sombreros Drink!"
3. Rattles: Yes I Wood, Glitorus, Stick It To The Bros. This turned into all Bald people, all black people, and all mexicans drink.
4. The hasher who has done every single moon hash (a total of 69 times): Glitorus (aka Hare Club). He was joined with all other mexicans, bald guys, x-GMs, and hashers with facial hair (fake or otherwise).
5. Private Party: F*cks Like A Rabbit, Plank, 'Lil Bear. Joined by all hashers with funny accents.
6. Moon Founders: JMo, Glitorus, Master Gator. They were joined by the founders of the Cumbridge Hash, Krusty The Meat Miser and Nice T*ts. The founders did a special down-down without their hands, taken while kneeling. JMo down-downed out of his Flabongo, which actually sounds kinda dirty if you don't know what that actually is.
7. Riding a big cock: DEEP Black Hole. Joined with Headmaster for grabbing a pet chicken. Also joined by all beards in the hash.
8. Moon Burn: All the people that drank for moon burn before. (At this point RA lost control, either of bladder or circle)
9. Beards: All those hashers who had beards. I can't always write down all the names, you know.

At this point, there was a Chinese fire drill. Which fit quite well with Beat By A Girl's hat, which wasn't actually a Sombrero, but more of a Chinese Farmer hat. After the drill, Cuffy tried to start Swing Low, then realized that the hash hadn't sang the Limerick Version of "Vino", which I Don't Waste My Time Down There (Wang Chunks) had printed verses of on individual note cards and handed out at the hash (somebody is a NERD). But first, Rough Trade split beer on NAMBLA, causing NAMBLA to be accused of wetting himself, which he drank for.

The pack sang many verses from "Vino", which probably has a different name, but goes "Aye, Aye, Aye Aye" and is about P*ssing on a Sombrero. After the song, circle was hijacked from Cuffy by JMo. Glitorus drank again for attending 69 moon hashes, and was joined by all bald guys, mexicans, and facial haired hashers. Next, Emaculate Er*ction was due for a Moon Name. Emaculate Er*ection is apparently a swim coach at Brown. He was almost instantly named. Emaculate Er*ection was NOT named "Strokes It" "Gets Girls Wet" or "Gets Brown Girls Wet". Instead, he was named "What Can Brown Do For You". Congratulations and welcome to the Moon Hash!

There were some announcements about hashes beyond M*rathon weekend. See below. Then, I, DEEP Black Hole, was brought into the circle by Cuffy, for a special T-3 goodbye down-down. I was given a full beer, and then Goes Down On Buoys gave me a shot of Tequilla from his special cell-phone flask stash. Headmaster joined me in the down-down. I do have to say that I felt a lot of love at that moment (awwwwwwww). Thanks for making M*rathon week so wonderful thus far, by showing up, reading my hash trashes, saying and doing dumb sh*t so I actually have material, making me a name necklace, making me drink, and just generally being the wonderful wankers that you all are. You all will very much be missed and never forgotten, even when I've had more than a few.

The pack finally swang low (after about two previous tries) in a speed version, and broke to dine on Tacos from Taco Bell! There were even veggie tacos! Glitorus (Hare Club) says that person for person, the Tacos cost as much as Pizza for the hash. Keep that in mind for future Mexican hashes!

Marathon Announcements:

1. There's a hold on the count today everyone! Tomorrow, THE MAIN EVENT, is T-2. But TONIGHT, is the It's not Over Until The Fat Lady Sings While Doing The Reverse Cowgirl Pub Crawl. Come out tonight to kick-of this weekend's festivities. Meet hashers who can tell you GREAT HASH LORE! Drink yourself silly and sing yourself sober! Se below for more information!
2. Hold on the Count (Friday): Pub Crawl - go to the Marathon Page for more details (http://www.bostonha sh.com/marathon08/) PLEASE NOTE THE SCHEDULE HAS CHANGED! (as of 4/16) Do update yourself. Pay as you go.
3. T-2 (Saturday): The BostonM*rathon Hash. Dress up like a Lady 'causeIt's Ladies Night!Registration from 12-2, Pack away at 2:30. McFadden's(148 StateStreet) . Take the Blue Line to State. Make sure you haveregistered or no ladies or beer for you!
4. T-1 (Sunday): Hangover Hash, 11 am HST, FREE with M*rathon Registration (otherwise $10). 21 Beacon St, Boston MA, Room 10D.
5. Lift OFF! (T-0) (Monday): The actual M*rathon! Come out, hang out with the hash, and hand out beer to r*nners! See (http://www.bostonha sh.com/marathon0 8/).
6. Want to print all this out on paper so that way you don't have to carry your computer around with you? Go to http://www.crazyhappenings.com/marathon.doc. This should now be current with the *new* pub crawl schedule.

Other Annoucements:

1. Next Weekend - 100th run of the Seacoast Hash. Friday through Sunday, for the low price of $25.
2. NURD is going on in the second weekend in May

Quotes:

1. "Nice T*ts can blow. Who would have thought?" - Headmaster
2. "n is a variable" - Mastor Gator
3. "Just like your sexuality" -Krusty
4. "Where did all these white people come from?" - Random Civilian
5. (While dancing around in an epileptic jig) "I'm a little Leprachan, I have a little green pen*s!" - Krusty
6. "The Power of T*ts!" - Krusty
7. (To Cuffy) "I've never had a Blow Job - are you offering?" - Virgin Brian
8. "I don't really give a f*ck what I say" - Cuffy
9. "AMFM was all up JMo's *ss" - Mystery Hasher
10. "You and your elitist meat ideas!" - Krusty
11. "It's all squirty in my mouth!" - Krusty

You can find Cuffy's pics here and Spunk's here on hashspace.